A Little Bit of High School Romance…
As I was writing the introduction for a training that I’m working on, I ended up reflecting on what remains one of the scariest moments of my career. I was working in a residential program for teens as a milieu counselor while in school, and was in the last hour of my overnight shift. I was doing what I always did: getting the medications ready, finishing up shift paperwork, and looking forward to getting home and getting to bed. That changed in an instant when I heard screaming. Within the course of the next half hour one of our residents had made several suicidal gestures, though at the time I considered them attempts. I left shaken up from needing to intervene, and with quite a few questions as to how a quiet, normal shift had ended with a resident in the emergency room, seemingly out of nowhere. How had no one seen what was coming? The problem was centered around the trigger. Her boyfriend had broken up with her right before this started.
It is particularly important as we enter February that we keep in mind the effects that romantic relationships, good and bad, have on our adolescents. I find more and more that it’s easy to look at teenage romance almost through a lens of rose-colored glasses. Looking back we know those relationships don’t last, aren’t always healthy, and often involved the one that you were glad got away. The thing is, the teens themselves don’t see it that way, nor should they. For many of the clients that I worked with that were state-involved, their romantic partners were often the only meaningful relationship that they had. Their partners were often the only ones that knew their histories and had accepted them for who they were in spite of it, well, the only ones not being paid to do so. Losing that was the equivalent of losing everything they had. Extreme losses reasonably lead to extreme responses.
In addressing any concerns that come up over the next few weeks, keep in mind that what is important about these relationships is how the youth’s needs are being met by it, not whether the relationship was going to work out, or whether we consider those break ups a part of normal life. On a different note, this season also may impact the self-esteem of those who wish that they had a romantic partner, but may not have one, or not be able to date at the moment due to their mental health needs. Consider celebrating Singles Awareness Day with kiddos who might also be entering into the season without a relationship. It is a good way of celebrating independence and control of one’s life, which we all know teens love!
Wishing Y’all the Best,
Cally & Zelda